This cutie-pie (and I’m only saying that because well, it’s true, and because, well, I know it’s making him squirm) is Raghav, who I met because he works at my former place of employment, the Minnesota Daily A&E. It is now slightly less cool than when I worked there. (Teasing.) When he isn’t interviewing Hanson (true story), he’s part of The Party Whip, a political blog I accidentally unleashed upon my father and his twin brother. Anyway, if I married Raghav one day he’d fit right in with my family because he likes talking politics. And it turns out he likes talking beauty too!

1. Tell me about your grooming routine. What products do you use daily? (Feel free to talk about any product, from shaving stuff to cologne to hair stuff to face stuff to deodorant, I like it all)

Well first off, I have a beard. And it is awesome. Seriously. I’ve never gotten so many compliments for something I put absolutely no effort into at all. So, if you can grow a beard, do it ASAP (ladies, this doesn’t apply to you). You will look older and if you have brown skin like me Muslim dudes will think you’re one of them and say nice things to you in Arabic. Anyway, my daily routine… hmm… well, on a normal day, I head to the shower first and foremost. This probably sounds obvious but I’m much more prompt about this than most of my guy friends. Usually I can’t really get through a day without taking a shower. Sometimes I even take more than one a day if I feel like it (hold your scoffs water conservationists). I’m not a germ freak or anything, but I find them relaxing, especially when I’m having trouble writing – which is pretty much all the time. For soap I use Lever 2000 (once upon a time this brand name sounded futuristic) because that’s what my parents use and I usually snag a few bars from them when I’m home because I am poor and lazy. Also, sometimes I get the Citrus fresh kind when I want to smell like a grapefruit.

But lets get to the important stuff: Hair. I use this stuff called Tea Tree because I was convinced Dove products were turning my hair into shit and the cute girl at Great Clips told me to buy it so I did. She probably made her boss happy for a day. Nonetheless, I’m not sure if it does anything but as far as I can tell, my hair isn’t falling out. I also use American Crew Pomade too.

Oh, and for toothpaste I get Crest because unlike Jay “Colgate-loving” Boller I’m competent enough to take care of a cap.

2. How did you discover what worked for you?

I guess I’m not entirely sure if anything is working. For instance, my sister still insists I look homeless whenever she sees me. Though it did take me a while to figure out what to do with my hair; a few years of countless trial-and-error. If I don’t put anything in my hair it just gets all poofy and I start looking like some kind of burnt out (less funny) version of Jerry Seinfeld circa ’95. Some people might find this attractive but I’ve never met them.

3. What products have stood the test of time for you and what didn’t work so well? 

Crest has really been the only constant. As for faulty products… pretty much all non-electric razors and shaving gels – all things Gillette. Shaving sucked when I was 14 and it sucks now. I grew a beard because I was tired of doing it because it was so tedious and every time I was finished it left my skin feeling like sandpaper.

4. Do you have any embarrassing guy-beauty stories for me?

Nothing too mortifying comes to mind. However, I do have this gigantic, seemingly broken nose. It’s caused me a good deal of mockery. I had a friend in high school who would try tell me that all kinds of attractive celebs had big noses to make me feel better: Adrian Brody, Owen Wilson… that sort of made me feel better until I realized that those guys probably have way more sex than I do. Kids can be so cruel.

5. What products can’t you live without?

Hm… Definitely my toothbrush and my toothpaste. If I don’t brush my teeth I avoid talking to people – even if I’ve chewed gum.

6. What do you think is attractive in a man? Who do you think is attractive?

Anyone who is trying too hard. Guys who clearly let their girlfriend dictate their wardrobe is definitely not Hot. ie: Guys who wear hot pink Polo’s or use half a bottle of gel every morning.

But I don’t know. I dig the rugged type with long hair with a well-formed scruff just for good measure. Standard hipster fashion is cool too. Pretty much anyone who doesn’t give too much of a shit but isn’t so apathetic that I can smell him from across the room.

7. What do you think is attractive in a woman?

Green eyes? Blue eyes? I don’t care, as long as she has eyes. A good sense of humor comes a       long way too, especially a mean-spirited sense of humor. I think women who read a lot are super attractive but don’t read too much or else you’ll make me feel bad for not reading enough so, yeah, cut that out. I guess clothing isn’t really all that important but if you’re willing to sport a ragged Cosby sweater, I’ll probably think you’re cool.